One of the biggest secrets we try to keep is a sense of self-governance and dignity. The notion or emotion that you are crucial in some distinct way, that you are loved by a particular person, that someone is giving you distinctive attention, these are some of the ego’s very nuanced secrets. We are striving to hide our Sacred Self and are partaking in all these diverse games, which seem to be very upsetting. It is pretty depressing and it really doesn’t go anywhere, so we try to get scraps of special love, attention and acclaim to prop ourselves up.
We toil so hard at becoming “improved people”, at acquiring greater intelligence and more skills. We want to be appreciated more and be more popular. The entire self-help industry is focused on improving the self so you can turn into a better you. That is another gimmick we secretly play on ourselves, thinking we have to keep spinning our wheels trying to turn into better. This self-improvement game is another secret we can to learn to let go of. It is very soothing when you start to understand that you do not have to grow into any better than you already are. You were made perfect. It is not through self-improvement that you find peace but through self-acceptance.
As I worked with A Course in Miracles, I could notice that there was a dread of divine love in my mind. I understood this was the ego’s apprehension of losing itself. The ego is afraid of being revealed and being perceived as a puff of nothingness. That is the fear of intimacy. We talk about this fear in relationships, which is sometimes projected as fear of sexual intimacy, but it is really a dread of dropping our persona, our mask of individuality. It is the terror of getting swept away by a magnificent love, a love so strong that none of us can even envision something as magnificent and mighty!
For me, those are the big secrets, because it doesn’t start off with this great realization. It always starts with feeling like you have done something wrong, whether you’ve masturbated, swiped something, mistreated somebody, or there is something in your mind that you have deemed as so horrible that you don’t even want to face it, you just want to overlook about it and push it out of notice.
Below all those memories and thoughts, is the belief that we are separated. This is the “secret” we hide. It really is an unattainable belief, but we believe that it is true; We have judged it as horrific and have pushed it out of awareness. All unconscious guilt comes from this belief in division. And as you really offer yourself over to the miracle, you feel all those hidden beliefs and secrets are being washed away and you finally face this hidden belief in disunion!
Please, share any thoughts and comments with me below, I’d love to hear about your encounter!
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