A 2004 University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” showed that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their level of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier levels of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is often a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are an unavoidable section of life’s journey. In the anxiety where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant close proximity, it’s natural we won’t always see eye to eye with one another. Imagine this type of instance, once your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger can be an immediate response and bitterness may be the path; These emotions call forth reactions as opposed to principled responses. A lot of regrettable actions and thoughts occur in such moments. I remember when i did a talk inside a bookstore and noted that the phrase “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words might cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester even after brittle bones have already been healed. There were a songwriter within the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote an audio lesson entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As opposed to keeping this negativity, you can consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s visualize it together. Picture yourself in this heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you’re capable to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or maybe your partner?
Keep in mind that you don’t have to be physically and even verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected in your attitudes and behaviors. As an example, you will become withdrawn and demanding throughout an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The opposite person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and before you know it you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting caught up in them. And instead, you will want to strike once the iron is cold? Let yourself relax and cool off, and share your feelings and thoughts when you are ready and therefore are able to clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any type ensures that you’re identified with all the thinking mind.
This means you don’t understand the other individual anymore, however only your own thought of that individual. To cut back the aliveness of another individual to a concept is definitely a form of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
That is amazing you’re on a sailboat within the ocean, and navigating these waves may be the span of life. No matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off course sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes a very important thing you can do-or one and only thing you can do-is to merely ride out your storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you then pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s just a cascade of chemicals, you know, based on fear. These are just waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you remarked that it’s quicker to stay afloat when you relax your body instead of when you tense up and panic in the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown of their drama either. Stay grounded with these mantras:
Storms always pass. You don’t have to panic or fear.
Ride out your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now I want only observe it. Now I will hold on and survive.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to take a seat and much better analyze the storm, and know what caused it. It’s also possible to find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance did you notice?
What helped you survive? How could you make this transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Utilize the storm as a possible possibility to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Above all, understand that storms are a section of life, however, you hold the capacity to navigate your path through them. You are going to always go back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles do not block the road; these are path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles can be an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Alter your Story, Alter your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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